The Cost Of Self Preservation
by BellatrixLestrangey
Summary: Acxa is tormented by guilt and fear. Keith tries to offer her a moment of clarity.


He is the quiet in her frenzied mind. A moment of clarity when all else is in turmoil. And everything is in turmoil. Her mind refuses to stay quiet, constantly whirring and brining up such unsavory things, such unpleasant moments. No one has ever reached out to her before, maybe it's because she's calm on the surface. She radiates indifference. But she is a mess on the inside. A mess that no one can see and that she cannot clean.

The things she has seen.

The things she has done.

It was to survive mostly, but they were dreadful things. Such awful deeds. She begins to think that she is horrible. That she shouldn't have love. She hasn't done anything to earn it, not so far as she believes.

For her own gain she has stolen, she has lied, she has caused death. She wants to believe that she was just a girl, abandoned by two races. She had no home so she had to build one. And she built it on those from whom she'd stolen the wood. She fed herself on that which she took from another, for all she knew, the other was just as hungry as she. For all she knew, the other had starved that night.

That same sense of desperation, that same need to belong somewhere, was what compelled her to join Lotor. Was why she had neutralized and vanquished on his behalf. She just wanted a home. She just wanted some security. And she had it for the time. She had it and then she lost it again when her moral compass could finally take no more neglect.

For three decaphoebs she was alone. Alone in a very desolate, sorry excuse for a planet. Food was scarce again, on most nights she was hungry. Hungry and suffocating. Suffocating in air that was too hot for anyone to tolerate. On most nights, she didn't sleep—her mind was not quiet enough for that—on most nights she searched. She scavenged the uninhabitable planet for the remnants of its resources. It had to be done during the nighttime, when the air had some chill. She would look mostly for food, but scraps of clean clothing worked as well. Anything helped.

She isn't used to being cared for. She isn't used to not worrying about when she'd eat—if she would. She isn't used to not worrying about how long her clothes will last or when she can next bathe. She isn't used to having security and not worrying about how she can keep the heat out.

So she does worry. She worries constantly.

Because at any moment she can be alone and venerable again.

At any moment she can have no other company than the faces of those she'd wronged. No other company than her guilt. These things never leave her, not in waking and not in sleep. At least they never left her until now.

Now, when Keith holds her close. Throughout it all, she realizes, he has been a source of light. Someone to save, someone to do good for. The world has never helped her before; it either ignored her or helped kick her down. Until Keith, who had gone out of his way to save her from a rather slow death within the weblum. She supposed she just wanted to return the favor and then it would be over. But he helped her again so she spared him when she could. And then again he helped her. Again and again until she finally decided that she needed to stop looking out for only herself.

Now he smiles at her and tells her that she isn't as bad as she thinks she is. That she's actually a rather good person, one of the most morally sound Galra…half-Galra he has ever met. She wants to believe him. He wipes her eyes.

"How do you know?" She asks.

"Because I had a selfish streak of my own." He laughs, "I was a bit of a bad boy, back in the day. Before I met Shiro."

Acxa tilts her head. "What did Shiro do?"

"He gave me something else to fight for." Keith answers. "He gave me a friend, sappy as that sounds." He pauses. "Let me be your Shiro for a bit?"

She has never had a friend before. Not a real one. Narti, Zethrid, Ezor, they were companions. But only in that they used to have a common goal. Only in that they were also alone and beaten down, hated for what they were. "I would like that." Acxa replies.

He breaths a sigh of relief. "That's a relief, for a second I thought you were going to be like me."

"Like you?"

"I didn't exactly give Shiro an easy time. I stole is car…"

"A car?" She questions.

"How about we go for a little walk and I'll tell you all about Earth technology."

It sounds like a distraction and therefore it good to her. She stands up and he takes her hand.

Steadily the incessant fuzz in her mind slows and quiets.

For the time she is at peace.

He shoots her a warm grin and she has a feeling that this time that peace might last. She thinks that she has found the home she had been looking for. She thinks that she won't have to fight. At least not selfishly. For once she can fight for someone else, perhaps for many people.

Maybe then things will be quiet for good.

Keith squeezes her hand.


End file.
